Challenges On Roads I’ve Chosen

oh my so dearly beloved readers.. i dint know since when have i started to have secret fans (those who anonymously loves reading my blog for no reason?) and i’ve no idea if it is a good or bad thing. well, its kinda surprising to find out that quite a number of you guys actually take a moment out of your busy schedules to just view/read this lame blog of mine. (and oh, to fews who does at almost every entry) uh should i be saying.. thanks? kinda delighted at first but think twice; embarassment showers me. darn. knowing theres people actually paying attention on what i type in here makes me feel.. awkward? >_< yikes.

hmm.. some people blog to gain publicity? for me, blogging is some sort of like.. a diary? except for the fact that i do know anyone out there could be reading at any time of the day. so, i’ve to be quite careful with words and what others might think. (especially when it involves short sentences that can be viewed from a million angles to a million pitures) but as you might probably know; most of the things i blog about can be sorta be labelled as CRAPs. or usually entries of the desperation in letting out my mixed-up-ding-dong-bell-feelings. or even simply just stating and SHARING thoughts of my own. =)

anyway, back to the last entry i posted. many of you guys think am all set to go, moving on with life happily-truly-madly-in-love eh? uhmm.. the thing is, am not. well, maybe just kinda-sorta. but not that love. i think? ANYWAY, the point is.. am single. yeap, still single. so please, dont shoo all those single guys away. still need theeeem. haha. *coughs*

anyway.. gees, why do i keep saying that? starting to sound like someone. haha. anee.. uh.. i dont really know what else to say. besides thanking people who wastes their precious time viewing me complicating-unusual-part-of-my-life journal which contains nothing-much-of-important-details.. and making things alittle clearer that am not (physically) taken.. lol, jk. guess, thats it. so till then!

have anyone ever felt so lost and confused like there was something really disturbing you inside? have anyone ever felt so down that you just wanna scream your heart out and let the tears run down? thats what i am at the moment. everything seems like big signs of question marks. or should i say, black and white blurry images.

when the sun rises, i put my make up on. for many may think, make ups are just part of my uniform at work. but the truth is, its actually part of who i am now. yeah, at first i dint really like cosmetics and stuff. till recently, i felt more comfortable having them on. it feels like.. like a mask. a mask that looks almost neutral to the flesh of my own. tho am not exactly pretending. i mean, perhaps only hiding the way i feel.. am not of a person who likes showing how i really feel inside. atleast not anymore. am just the ordinary girl who enjoys smiling towards others around me. but behind those curtains when am all by myself, i might then break into frowns. feeling as if am crashed down, as deep as the oceans. why am i like that? i dont know. not even a clue. all i ever feel like doing is grab someone, anyone.. tightly and cry. cry out all the pain inside me. cry till i could hardly catch my breath. till then, i could continue living life normally without any make ups on. but once again; can that possibly happen when i barely know what the main problem is?

as you might know, am working as a promoter for loreal in guardian at dataran pahlawan. so.. guardian is sorta like a pharmacy rite? they sells loads of stuff, loads of interesting stuff too. haha. and today, fuuuu.. so many GUYS keep entering the shop to purchase boxes, yeah i mean BOXES of condoms. all shapes, sizes and.. flavors? ahaha. me and the cashiers at the counter were laughing our asses off man. especially when they try to act cool like as if they were only buying boxes of candies!

well, january first. first day of a new year. and the very first project for them too? lol! but later on.. in the evening, came the girls. guess what they asked for? "miss, do you sell pregnancy test kit? i want the BEST brand. make sure its ACCURATE." gosh.. i was only a promoter whos supposed to be incharge in beauty care and products ONLY. yet? *tsk tsk* their desperation drove them crazy to ask anybody, especially young new comers like me. looking at all these TEENAGERs behaving those way, i wonder why havent the government come up with some sort of legal age to buy condoms or pregnancy test kits? haha. but think twice, its sorta-kinda a bad idea too.

well, am suddenly running out of words.. and am damn exhausted too. working full day again tomorrow. my back is torturing me and my legs are killing me. god bless me. chao.