dear bloggie,
okay.. i know i failed my so called diet plans. and lately, i’ve been doing not good at all. my health is getting from bad to worst. am going for a medical check up this week. my both parents doesnt know. neither does anyone else knows. and blogging on here doesnt mean am seeking for attention. i’ve been feeling like somethings not right with my body. my senses tells that something bad is about to happen. tho i’ve no idea whats that.. yet. and it makes me hell restless.
finals are just around the corner. i dont have the confidence that i’ll make it thru at all. and right now, i feel so lonely. i miss home so badly. i miss those days before i came here. before i ever felt so alone again. i still smile and laugh with no feelings. and am done with being the middle person. A doesnt like B, B hates A. what you guys expect? C to tolerate and listens to both parties and to act double-faced just to keep the smiles upon your faces? fuck it. am done with it. hate me if you must. i dont care. talk at my backs. i dont give a damn. i dont wana listen no more. i dont wana talk no more. no more fake smiles and laughters from me. NO MORE.
am waiting patiently for the sun to rise and for the sun to set. it reminds me that to live in a restless world like this, i need strength and loads of courage.
so lord, please answer my prayers. i need a way out.
out from this messed up life.
its just so classic for things to go against you when one thing goes wrong. when something is right, everything else is just perfectly fine.
another couple of weeks and off i am for the next semester. time really flies when you’re in college. whether you’re having fun meeting new people or you’re just simply locking up in the room, by yourself.
assignment weeks was totally hectic. stayed up till 4am continuously and even met those days without any sleep; heading straight to the eight am class for test the next day. all these staying ups made me stuff myself up with foods till i totally lost control. my meals are at irregular hours. or should i say, at practically every hour except when am asleep. furthermore, with my digestion problem.. you know whats the result. i dont even dare to look at the scale as i go on the weighing machine.
time and time again it makes me so fuckstrated bout this particular thingy. now with my shitty results for ALL the subjects of my tests, makes me feel even more pressured to EAT! darn. hmph.
times like these, who else would i need besides the support of my friends. i longed those days where i had people around to remind me that: eating wont make me feel any better but infact make me fatter. now.. i no longer hear those voices. those faces. they’re all gone.
sigh. adding on; the two-faced-me is back. thats because no one over here is reliable. typicals. immatures. wannabes. posers. what happened to all the genuine peoples? i wonder.
ending this entry; am gona try doing one of the things i learnt from General Studies. setting a minor goal for me to achieve in seven days time. as a strategy, this is my announcement: am gona go on a DIEt from tomorrow onwards. yup people, you heard me. and AM GONA DO IT!
will update relating this in seven days time.
it better work. *crosses fingers*
god bless everyone = ]
