Challenges On Roads I’ve Chosen

just the other day i was giving my presentation of a speech for my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary. telling my coursemates how glad and proud i am to have such wonderful grandparents and sharing with them my story touched their hearts that almost everyone shed a tear. but who knew, what was about to happened.

theres a time to meet, to get to know others and the destiny in our hands will bring us closer to the special ones. but before we know, time flies and bonds of our relationship will eventually come to an end.

my grandmother. a great wife, mother and grandmother to all eleven kids and sixteen grandchildren left us to another land on 16th august 2007 which falls on a thursday at 2.40am.

it was a sudden shock to all of us. she was fine. she could still talk. sit up. eat. laugh. everything was normal. but we never know when death takes control of our lives.

i still remember, the weekend before she left.. my aunt kept calling me on the phone, asking me to go online so my granny could see me via web cam. but then i dint. i was out studying for finals. and usually i’d call back home every two days, atleast. but then again i dont know what went into me. i dint call back for the straight four days before she passed away. the last time i saw her was two weeks ago, the last time i spoke to her was four days ago. its so hard for me to forgive myself for not being there with her when she was in pain.

tho on the thursday morning which is the midnite of wednesday, i felt very uneasy. i felt so frustrated. i couldnt concentreate studying at all. i was losing my head and i cried thru the whole nite till the next day to examination hall. at that time, i dint know bout the news yet.

till later that night, as arranged, my uncle -and surprisingly my dad-came to pick me up. at bout 9.40pm he called telling me hes already waiting at my block. at the same time when i rushed back to my block, i received a text message from my mum saying my grandmother passed away earlier that morning. i was shocked. stunned. but when i look up at my uncle, he said nothing. i was thinking maybe my mum typed wrongly and replied her asking for confirmation. while waiting for her reply, i ran up four levels getting my stuff down. she dint reply.

fifteen minutes later in the car, my dad broke the news. when i arrived back to my grams place, i couldnt believe my eyes watching her lying peacefully in the coffin. i never expect it to be this soon. never. i kept wondering why this soon- why wasnt i there for her? why cant i see her for one last time? i was going back that night. she knew that. why dint she wait for me? WHY? worst of all, in the whole family, am the last to know. reason? i was having exams. fuck exams. to me, its not a reasonable excuse for me to be the last to know.

my grandmother has been more than just any ordinary grandmother to me. i stayed with her since i was one month old. being the only child, she along with my grandfather are the two closest companions in my whole life time. compared to my other cousins who has siblings, i was more closer with my both grandparents.

right up to today, every once in two weeks when am back, i’d spend my nights at her place. she was the one who drag me to the toilet every morning during preschool days. she was the one who tied my hair every morning from preschool right up to primary school. she was the one who made me pancakes for tea. she knew exactly what i like to eat. she was like my own mother. for all my life, i have spent more time with her than with my own mother.

now shes gone, am still not able to face the fact. as for me, she’ll always be with me: in my mind, in my heart. nobody in this whole wide world can take over her place. i’d pray for her to live happily in the next world. hope till then, i’ll meet her there once again.

god bless.